Control = Delusion

Sometimes it is easy to be a Christian when everything seems to be going right in your life. It feels good to buy into the delusion that we have control over anything in our lives. I recognize that this sounds like a dramatic overstatement and I also realize that many believe themselves to be in what many describe as the “power position”. I don’t know where you are in your walk with God or if you are even walking with Him right now. I do know that I can’t rest until I share with you what I learned about control on February 26, 2015.

Some of you know that my wife has been pregnant with twins for the past 38 weeks and change. Just over two weeks ago, she began getting closer and closer to giving birth to our first children, Lucy Joy and Landon Pierce. Her pregnancy had been picture perfect all the way through, apart from months of intense morning sickness, with absolutely no difficulties. Even when she was admitted to the hospital, the doctor let us know that both twins were position for a routine delivery that wouldn’t involve a c-section.

The first twin delivered, Lucy, was born naturally with no issues and the waiting game for Landon’s arrival began. The doctor informed us that there would be a lull between contractions before the second twin could be delivered. After attempting turn the baby in the womb and attempting to suction him out four times, it became very clear that our doctor would have to order an emergency c-section. The nurses were frantically trying to find and distinguish the baby’s heartbeat from the mother’s. Without even having time to transition my wife to the operating table, the team prepped and made the incision as quickly as possible.

I stood over my wife and began waiting. The seconds felt like days and my feet felt cemented to the floor as I waited for a noise from my newborn baby boy. Out of the corner of my eye I saw them lift his pale white lifeless body over and into the basinet. They began chest compressions and were doing everything in their power to save his life. I stood over my wife trying to hold myself together as best as I could and kept waiting to hear something that would indicate that my second child was alive. All I could do was cry and pray to God that he would intervene on our behalf.

Everything in my entire body told me to rush over there and push the medical professionals out of the way so that I could save my son. Luckily the logical side of my brain reminded me that I have absolutely no medical training and would most likely do more harm than good. I have never felt more powerless in all of my life but not the powerlessness that I have discussed with my clients in the past.

This experience was the most terrifying, traumatic and painful thing I have ever been through. It was also beautiful, natural and completely mesmerizing at the same time. I realized that even with the best medical staff of approximately two surgeons, an anesthesiologist and maybe twelve nurses, God’s plan was still going to come to fruition. I don’t know and might never know what God was trying to accomplish through this situation but I am quite certain that my boy will have an incredible testimony. Three weeks before Landon was born God told me that he would move mountains. Two weeks ago my baby boy will come home to complete our family with no breathing tube, no IV and will be completely able to eat on his own.

God’s grace is more than sufficient for our circumstances and as I mentioned earlier, it can be really easy to be a Christian when everything in life seems to be going fine. When the chips are down you will be faced with two decisions: who are you going to believe in and what are you going to choose to believe about your circumstances? I’m not sure if you believe in God and my job is not to convince you to buy into my belief system but I will say that neither my wife or myself would have survived this situation without our Heavenly Father and the people that were praying fervently to him on a daily basis.

2 Comments on “Control = Delusion”

  1. So beautifully written, Satchel. Moments like that give us such empathy for others going through trauma. I can’t wait to see how God uses little Landon to bless others and teach them about Himself.

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