Family is defined by Merriam-Webster as the basic unit in society traditionally consisting of two parents rearing their children. This is a broad definition but allows room for a great deal of interpretation, elaboration, and philosophical thinking. I started to do some thinking of my own about family and what it means. This was a result of witnessing an amazing group of women struggle with wounds afflicted by members of their own family. I can’t lie. I have to keep it real. This has been a situation I have been facing for quite some time in my own family relationships and through that struggle I realized that part of the problem is shame.
Most of the time if you turn on the television you see what society deems the “perfect” family, and if you don’t see it on television you probably are acquainted with a family that you hold in high regard and feel is a model for family perfection. Herein lies the problem. So many people are basing their idea of family on something fake or only partially seen. This leads to disappointment and shame when your reality doesn’t measure up.
Growing up, and even today, the Cosby Show was one of my favorite television series. I always admired their love for one another as well as the humor with which Heathcliff Huxtable always handled the family situations. Watching that show always made me feel like my family was lacking and broken, which in comparison to television they were. The comparison game only leads to shame and secrecy.
This weekend I had the opportunity to watch 150 women pursue freedom in family relationships. Watching them bravely admit that their family relationships were lacking made me realize how faulty our belief about the family has become. We have decided to accept our family wounds as part of our reality. We are afraid to believe the reality that our family does not compare with the Huxtables and we fear we will be seen as a failure in the eyes of society. This only perpetuates the wound in our soul. Remember that a family is a group of individuals with selfish ambitions, needs, and desires and because of this, there are bound to be wounds somewhere in that mix.
I say all of this because I am tired of watching individuals live with shame and pain as a result of the inability to admit that family members have the ability to wound and destroy. Not all families and their members engage in detrimental behavior but our inability to see the reality of the situation stands between us and true freedom. So, what family situation comes to mind when reading these examples? Has someone in your family said or done something that has wounded you physically, spiritually, or emotionally? The first step is to admit this as the truth. It is then that healing can begin once the reality of the situation can be realized.
What is your gut saying to you in all of this? Be honest with yourself and take the first step to finding true freedom in family relationships.